3:26:07
It’s been 10 years since I last saw you, and if you’ve been counting right, you know that this would be the month when I would celebrate my final commencement.
Yes, father. I had finally graduated college. Impossible as it would seem, with all the things we had to go through just to get me through school. But I had made it, father. No doubt about it. I had graduated with barely anything from you. And today was the day that marked that end.
I always dreamed of this day above all things, and it was much more magical than what I had expected. I went to the graduation hall clothed in a dress made out of my grandmother’s cloth and sewn by a generous neighbor (she gave me a discount on the labor expenses because I was graduating). You should have seen it. I chose the design myself. It was brown, dappled with huge beige flowers. It had a low collar that was cut just a few inches below the collar bone, and two semi-puffed sleeves that hang just below the shoulders. It was tied by a gold ribbon around my waist, and the rest of the dress flows freely and is cut just about a few inches above my knees. It wasn’t my dream dress, but it was just fine. I threw in a pair of white high heeled shoes and my aunt lent me her (imitation) pearl necklace and earrings just for the occasion.
We drove ourselves in a rented company van, along with the other real estate agents of the company where my mother and aunt worked. And as we drove, I thought of you, and of the dreams I had about this day. I had dreamed that you would be among one of the millions of parents, friends and relatives flooding the graduation hall. But with your graduation ticket in my hand, it would be more likely that you would never be there. And if you were there, then you must be attending your other daughter’s graduation. Isn’t it funny if I found out that we both went to the same university and graduated the same courses at the same date?
I want you to know and remember that I have become a realist the day you went away and never showed up in our doorstep ever again. I had come to believe that dreams remain dreams, and unless it was stated in your destiny, that dream is more likely not to come true. So I never did keep my hopes up, father. But still, I wished you were there to see me as I walked the aisle and climbed the stairs towards the stage, as the school rector took my tassel, moved it to the other side and shook my hands while saying ‘Congratulations”, as I stopped and smiled with my two chipped front teeth for the picture that proves I had graduated, as I walked back to my seat while stopping by some professors congratulating all of us personally, all with the Graduation Hymn playing in the background over and over like a worn out CD. You should have seen me, father, in my black graduation gown and cap adorned with a gold hood as I heaved a proud sigh and thinking that it had been done.
I finally graduated.
It was, among few that were documented here, one of the happiest experiences I ever had. It would have been really great if I graduated with honors, but even if I could, I wouldn’t. I’d still remain the average grader that I am because achievements only pressure me to keep up with the standards.
Keeping up to be a perfect daughter was hard enough. So why add more?
Happy as the occasion was, I was also feeling down and lonely. It was the first time I made real friends without anyone to intervene, and it felt sad having to realize the fact that it was all over. No more petty quarrels of which fast food to eat in. No more laughing out loud like crazy while listening to someone’s mishap. No more seatmates to cheat with *grin*. No more walks going home. No more talks about the unknown. No more name-calling of those professors who looked like in-humane monsters. No more rants about projects and deadlines and exams all on the same date. No more phone calls or YM’s about the same school stuff. No more fun memories. Only sad endings.
They were the three most cherished people I ever had in college. The first guy was my occult master, the second guy was my first real crush and the third girl was my work ethics twin. And it will be a very long time (unless I got struck with amnesia) before I forget each of them.
I didn’t cry when we separated. I’ve grown up accepting that separation is inevitable and I was able to cope with all the separations in my life, including yours. And I never want to make a fuss of turning soft right when I had this reputation of being rock-hearted (a nickname I got from my occult master). But deep inside the disappointment of shattered dreams had been evolving into regret and sorrow.
Graduation not only marked the end of a school year. It also marked the end of friendships, and the end of the cloistered life within the safe four walls of the school/university. It’s like you’ve been used to swimming in a swimming pool and then you find yourself at the shores of the wide, unprecedented ocean called Real Life. Its harsh, untested, and you can get yourself killed if you don’t know how to swim right. But you’d have to find your way through if you’d want to survive.
I’m out in the sea now, father. Watch me swim.
My One True Valentine
2:14:07
It’s Valentines Day, father. I’m just wondering. How did you and my mother used to spend Valentines when you two were still together? How did you court her when the two of you were still in love?
Tell me, father, what's it like to fall in love?
It seems kinda weird admitting this, but, yes, father… I had been in love.
He was a guy from our class, father. I had mentioned him before. He's the same guy who gave me Shiro, my smiling cat cellphone charm. He was a few inches taller than me, dark skinned, and had a triangle shaped face. He had big eyes, thick eyebrows and a big mouth that barely speaks. He was an otaku, or anime fan, just like me. And I had a serious crush on him.
(I wouldn't mention any names, though, because you might meet him somewhere at a very inconvenient time.)
What I liked about him most was his willingness to listen without arguing back and his tendency to smile in every possible occasion. He doesn't get provoked easily (which I used a lot of times to my advantage) and rarely talks unless spoken to. He seems like a shy guy, but unlike me, Math problems doesn't terrify him. I would often run up to him and ask for help during times of despair. He was also reliable, and though he doesn't talk much, but very friendly and approachable.
He was one of the people who intrigued me most when I first stepped into my new classroom for my third year. He was as he would always be: quiet, sitting by the shadows trying to remain unnoticed. I set myself a challenge to make him talk for the whole year we would be together. I succeeded with only a few attempts (thanks to Naruto). So I then posed a new challenge, to make him angry. It proved itself to be a much harder challenge, and I ended up not getting him angry but instead, becoming his ears to ease his frustrations on. He would share with me his frustrations with school and his group mates whenever we would walk home from school to the jeepney stopwhere he gets his ride home.
It was halfway through the year, as I was starting to know about him more and more during our walks home, that I was beginning to realize that I was starting to fall for him.
It did feel really weird, like what others who had been in and out of love had said. First of all, I have an innate distrust on the male species (thanks to you). Secondly, because I had been in a series of 30 minute crushes all my life (i.e. I see this cute guy, have a sudden crush on him, and when he walks away, that feeling is also gone for good.) But today, when I first spent Valentines day with someone that is dear to me, it felt really magical that I wished that it would be Valentines everyday.
My regular class schedule would start at 11 am and end at around 4:30 pm (or 3pm, depending on the number of subjects for that day). But today, out of some strange reason I still haven't found out, the Morning Classes (7 - 11 am) were suspended, and classes would resume at around 1 in the afternoon. Taking this great opportunity, we both agreed to meet earlier and eat lunch together. We decided to meet at 11 am at one of the stone pavilions erected in front of our building.
I had planned for Valentine's day a long time ago. In the tradition of the Japanese' Tanabata, I planned to make heart-shaped chocolates and give it to everyone, with a very special one cooked just for him. But as the day neared, the money saved for this special day got spent on projects, emergency trips to fast food chains, and other stuff related to school, and I ended up with half the budget to buy all the stuff I would need for the chocolates. So I turned to another alternative and went off to buy a brownie mix instead. It's still chocolate, anyway, and I had cooked it a lot of times before.
I woke up really early (around 6 am) and mixed up a delicious batch of brownies. And even in my dire effort to keep track of time, I ended up running late (again!). I was in a hurry to take the brownies from the oven that I had burned myself near my right wrist. The brownies didn't come out perfectly. One side was able to rise, while the other side didn't, resulting a slope shaped brownie. It was a great disappointment, but it did not discourage me a bit. I cut the brownies in 6 individual slices, and wrapped each one in red cellophane wrapper. I hurriedly shoved each in a paper bag, then quickly ran out of the house and headed for school.
The dreary old university we call school turned on a different aura that was obvious upon arrival on the school grounds. Everyone was everywhere, crowding in front of the college buildings or hanging around the memorable love spots in the school. Of course, almost everyone came in pairs, with either red roses or pink balloons or huge teddy bears. When I came to school, there was so much chaos it was easy to get lost in the sea of people rushing to and fro. I got around them, and went to our meeting place, to find him not there. I saw some of our classmates and I asked if they saw him, since we were to meet there. They said that he had been looking for me too, and when I was about to go looking for him, he came. I don't know if anyone noticed, but I managed to blush a little upon his arrival. I quickly covered it up with a little banter about where he went and that I had been dizzy trying to look for him. He said that he was looking for me too, and we then set off just the two of us for lunch.
Off we went to Lovelites, a small canteen located at Asturias, Dapitan, to get ourselves some lunch. We both bought the same meal: footlong hotdogs with rice and gravy and large C2 Apple (with an extra rice for him). As we waited for our orders, I slipped him my brownies, to which he reacted quite confused, but still he took it. I wanted to see him eat it, but it was enough for me to see that he took it anyway.
We then headed to our still empty classroom and ate our meals there. As we ate, some classmates came in and saw us, then left the room grinning while saying aloud that they will leave us lovebirds alone. (We have a very queer reputation in school that we are made for each other. Something that is quite natural since the two of us were together most of the time.) I tried to scare them off, but they ran away by themselves, leaving the two of us all alone once more.
it was the perfect moment, father, but I guess I myself is a "torpedo", or a scaredy-cat. I would had told him what I felt right then. Still, the time just doesn't feel right. So I just let destiny take a hand, and the rest of the hours passed with the two of us just chatting away. The bell rang, and our classmates began to flood in, and the magical moment was whisked away in the breeze. But even for just a while, I was truly happy. Because I was able to spend my Valentine's day with somebody had learned to love.
How about you, father? How did you spend your day today?
Love is... a hormonal chaos waiting to explode anytime... n_n;
It’s Valentines Day, father. I’m just wondering. How did you and my mother used to spend Valentines when you two were still together? How did you court her when the two of you were still in love?
Tell me, father, what's it like to fall in love?
It seems kinda weird admitting this, but, yes, father… I had been in love.
He was a guy from our class, father. I had mentioned him before. He's the same guy who gave me Shiro, my smiling cat cellphone charm. He was a few inches taller than me, dark skinned, and had a triangle shaped face. He had big eyes, thick eyebrows and a big mouth that barely speaks. He was an otaku, or anime fan, just like me. And I had a serious crush on him.
(I wouldn't mention any names, though, because you might meet him somewhere at a very inconvenient time.)
What I liked about him most was his willingness to listen without arguing back and his tendency to smile in every possible occasion. He doesn't get provoked easily (which I used a lot of times to my advantage) and rarely talks unless spoken to. He seems like a shy guy, but unlike me, Math problems doesn't terrify him. I would often run up to him and ask for help during times of despair. He was also reliable, and though he doesn't talk much, but very friendly and approachable.
He was one of the people who intrigued me most when I first stepped into my new classroom for my third year. He was as he would always be: quiet, sitting by the shadows trying to remain unnoticed. I set myself a challenge to make him talk for the whole year we would be together. I succeeded with only a few attempts (thanks to Naruto). So I then posed a new challenge, to make him angry. It proved itself to be a much harder challenge, and I ended up not getting him angry but instead, becoming his ears to ease his frustrations on. He would share with me his frustrations with school and his group mates whenever we would walk home from school to the jeepney stopwhere he gets his ride home.
It was halfway through the year, as I was starting to know about him more and more during our walks home, that I was beginning to realize that I was starting to fall for him.
It did feel really weird, like what others who had been in and out of love had said. First of all, I have an innate distrust on the male species (thanks to you). Secondly, because I had been in a series of 30 minute crushes all my life (i.e. I see this cute guy, have a sudden crush on him, and when he walks away, that feeling is also gone for good.) But today, when I first spent Valentines day with someone that is dear to me, it felt really magical that I wished that it would be Valentines everyday.
My regular class schedule would start at 11 am and end at around 4:30 pm (or 3pm, depending on the number of subjects for that day). But today, out of some strange reason I still haven't found out, the Morning Classes (7 - 11 am) were suspended, and classes would resume at around 1 in the afternoon. Taking this great opportunity, we both agreed to meet earlier and eat lunch together. We decided to meet at 11 am at one of the stone pavilions erected in front of our building.
I had planned for Valentine's day a long time ago. In the tradition of the Japanese' Tanabata, I planned to make heart-shaped chocolates and give it to everyone, with a very special one cooked just for him. But as the day neared, the money saved for this special day got spent on projects, emergency trips to fast food chains, and other stuff related to school, and I ended up with half the budget to buy all the stuff I would need for the chocolates. So I turned to another alternative and went off to buy a brownie mix instead. It's still chocolate, anyway, and I had cooked it a lot of times before.
I woke up really early (around 6 am) and mixed up a delicious batch of brownies. And even in my dire effort to keep track of time, I ended up running late (again!). I was in a hurry to take the brownies from the oven that I had burned myself near my right wrist. The brownies didn't come out perfectly. One side was able to rise, while the other side didn't, resulting a slope shaped brownie. It was a great disappointment, but it did not discourage me a bit. I cut the brownies in 6 individual slices, and wrapped each one in red cellophane wrapper. I hurriedly shoved each in a paper bag, then quickly ran out of the house and headed for school.
The dreary old university we call school turned on a different aura that was obvious upon arrival on the school grounds. Everyone was everywhere, crowding in front of the college buildings or hanging around the memorable love spots in the school. Of course, almost everyone came in pairs, with either red roses or pink balloons or huge teddy bears. When I came to school, there was so much chaos it was easy to get lost in the sea of people rushing to and fro. I got around them, and went to our meeting place, to find him not there. I saw some of our classmates and I asked if they saw him, since we were to meet there. They said that he had been looking for me too, and when I was about to go looking for him, he came. I don't know if anyone noticed, but I managed to blush a little upon his arrival. I quickly covered it up with a little banter about where he went and that I had been dizzy trying to look for him. He said that he was looking for me too, and we then set off just the two of us for lunch.
Off we went to Lovelites, a small canteen located at Asturias, Dapitan, to get ourselves some lunch. We both bought the same meal: footlong hotdogs with rice and gravy and large C2 Apple (with an extra rice for him). As we waited for our orders, I slipped him my brownies, to which he reacted quite confused, but still he took it. I wanted to see him eat it, but it was enough for me to see that he took it anyway.
We then headed to our still empty classroom and ate our meals there. As we ate, some classmates came in and saw us, then left the room grinning while saying aloud that they will leave us lovebirds alone. (We have a very queer reputation in school that we are made for each other. Something that is quite natural since the two of us were together most of the time.) I tried to scare them off, but they ran away by themselves, leaving the two of us all alone once more.
it was the perfect moment, father, but I guess I myself is a "torpedo", or a scaredy-cat. I would had told him what I felt right then. Still, the time just doesn't feel right. So I just let destiny take a hand, and the rest of the hours passed with the two of us just chatting away. The bell rang, and our classmates began to flood in, and the magical moment was whisked away in the breeze. But even for just a while, I was truly happy. Because I was able to spend my Valentine's day with somebody had learned to love.
How about you, father? How did you spend your day today?
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